Archive | November, 2015


30 Nov

I’ve put off writing this for no reason other than I honestly wasn’t sure exactly what to say.  I kept telling myself that I would carve out time to write over the Thanksgiving holiday, and so I am trying to stay true to the deadline I had given myself.  In some ways, I feel like my recent health scare was years ago instead of just months, but the time since has been so filled with activity and stress.  Thankfully, I have been able to sit and breathe more in the past few days than I had for some time prior, and I’m hoping that maybe I can write my thoughts with more clarity than I was anticipating.  It is yet to be seen.

Matt and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary, and as I look back through the years, I recognize how gracious God was to us because we were always given just one crisis at a time.  We learned to rely on His providence in some pretty easy “tough times” which were great baby steps for our faith.  That was tested in new ways this year as beginning in early July, we started feeling pelted by life.  Matt was going through what I hope will be the hardest months he will ever have to professionally incur, and we were going through the emotional sale of our house with no house to move into.  When we were told that I was most probably facing invasive breast cancer at age 32, it was all we could do to stand under the weight of it all.  A precious friend said that it reminded her of Nehemiah 4 when the Jewish people were rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem and fighting their enemies simultaneously.  Yes, I felt like we were trying to build up a fortress of protection for ourselves and wielding swords all at the same time, and it was exhausting.

But as I blogged previously, we had our YET to cling to from Habakkuk.  Never for a single moment did I feel abandoned by God; I never felt despair or hopelessness.  And, I can’t explain that outside of the sheer, miraculous grace of the Lord.  In Philippians 4:4-7, Paul so accurately captured what Matt and I felt and what we continue to experience.  We rejoiced in the Lord in the unknown and felt the peace that passes all understanding.  There is no coincidence in that; it was a gift from God.

So now, it is the end of November.  We have been in our new house for about 5 weeks, and I still have moments every day when I consciously think about how much I love our house.  (I must admit though that I still greatly mourn leaving our old neighborhood and the friends we had there.)  We want to use this home to minister to others, and we are praying dutifully about how to do that.  I am feeling impatient to see how the Lord will open those doors, but I know that He will work it perfectly in His time.

I honestly don’t know what I can say about my health because I truly don’t know what happened.  Mammograms, MRIs, ultrasounds… everything pointed to invasive breast cancer.  To my knowledge, no fewer than 8 different doctors of different specialties reviewed my case multiple times, and none of them expected benign results.  Maybe there was never a single malignant cell in my body.  Or maybe it was every bit the cancer we believed it would be, and God chose to miraculously heal me without treatments. Like I said, I just don’t know, and I never will this side of heaven.  The only thing I know with certainty is that God had a divine, ordained, kingdom purpose for this, and throughout every second of it, I was humbled that He would include me in it and ask me to trust Him.  What an honor to be an ambassador of His name throughout this journey even in the moments I fall (and continue to) short!

I’ve said it in other blogs, but I cannot escape the opportunity to say it again.  Thank you.  Thank you for every prayer, text, call, email, gift, card, and word of encouragement.  I’ve never felt more loved and uplifted in my life.  Honestly, I never had the chance to be discouraged or depressed because I was so surrounded by the physical love of the body of Christ.  And it was AMAZING!  You are all amazing, and Matt and I love you deeply for it.