The unexpected and often unfair

17 Jan

I love that Facebook shows me memories every day of my posts from previous years.  There is such joy in seeing pictures or videos of my children when they were younger, and I get a laugh out of reading stories of the funny things that they said or did.  Even when the memory isn’t a pleasant one, I am thankful to realize that I survived that sad or disappointing time and that God has provided for me since in ways beyond my comprehension then.

This morning, I was reminded that I announced my pregnancy with Isaac to the Facebook world 5 years ago today, and then shared the news about the twins 3 years ago today too.  Both of those pregnancies were unplanned and quite unexpected.  Matt and I had a hard time adjusting to them in many ways.  But, all three of those boys were (and are!) wanted and loved and adored.  I wouldn’t want to live life without them, but they are reminders that I cannot control things.  Seeing the joy and enrichment they bring to my life, I am thankful that God had plans beyond my own.  Isaac, Henry, & Nolan are the best examples to me of the happiness that the unexpected can bring.

I was reminded this weekend though at how unfair life is and how the unexpected can be full of sorrow.  On Sunday morning at church, sweet friends were sharing their testimony of God’s grace, and part of that journey involved infertility and miscarriages.  They remarked that they were watching people get pregnant and give birth around them and grieved as they walked a different and heartbreaking road than others they loved.  Similarly, dear cousins of mine have spent years going through failed fertility treatments and devastating losses in attempts to expand their own family.  They have watched family and friends celebrate new life while being crushed by the pain of their own despair.

I cannot even tell you how gut wrenching it makes me feel to know that while people I love were mourning, Matt and I were having children at a ridiculous rate without even trying.  Sure, I had suffered from 2 previous miscarriages, but that didn’t help their grieving hearts in that moment.  To have added to their pain even without meaning to makes me nauseous, and I won’t even pretend to understand what that feels like because it truly is beyond my comprehension.

Life this side of heaven will never be fair, and I know in the cliche Bible belt “God is in control and working things to your good” way that there are reasons for everything that we cannot grasp.  But, it doesn’t make me any less disappointed to see precious people have their reality altered by it all.  And there is no point to all of this rambling except maybe to draw your attention to the world around you.  On your best or worst of days, there will be all manner of triumph or defeat, both near and far.  Find a way to lovingly embrace those around you regardless of your paths and laugh and weep together.

And to those who have suffered even a moment of grief from the circumstances of our family… I’m more sorry than you will ever know.

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