When life’s crazy turns to life’s crap

Every day of my life seems crazy.  But something about today’s crazy managed to be just plain out crap.  I won’t go into everything that happened, but if you spent much time with me today, especially this morning at church, then you know that I was in a rotten mood with a rotten attitude.  In fact, I spent the majority of our church service sulking and telling God just how irritated I was.  I was not going to sing or stand or participate even though our Sunday gathering is usually such a bright spot in my week.  So there, God.

And as I am ending this day, I know that God didn’t suffer from my vile spirit.  I’m the one who lost out, who missed opportunities to bless others.  I’m acutely aware that my own pride and ego got in my way today to my detriment.

But now, I am determined to end this day better than how I started it.  Instead of thinking about everything that went wrong or didn’t fit my ideas of perfect, I am going to be thankful because even in my garbage, I had so many people bless me today and add value to my day.  So here goes…

Thank you, Lord, for Read who weeks ago insisted that she should find people to help me with cooking for today’s church event.

Thank you, Lord, for Jordan who hugged me and let me cry in frustration and wrote me a note of encouragement.

Thank you, Lord, for my in-laws who at the last minute gave up hours of their day to help Matt work on my van and who took care of the kids while I prepped for our church event.

Thank you, Lord, for Aggie, Kristen, Shey, Jordan, Terri, Hannah, and Rachel who willingly and joyfully baked potatoes and showed up at our event with them hot, ready for our church family to enjoy.

Thank you, Lord, for several people (like Brooke and Jessica and Peter just to name three) who asked me how they could help me or just flat out started doing things that needed to be done when they saw them.

Thank you, Lord, for Chris and Tony who both got the things that I forgot in my preparations, who willingly went to the church and the store to help me.

Thank you, Lord, for Matt who rubbed my back and let me spend time alone in his truck and helped me corral kids at bedtime.

Thank you, Lord, for the names I can’t remember, the faces that aren’t even coming to my mind right now because there were so many people that I saw today who shared positive, encouraging words with me and kept me from curling into a ball and refusing to go on.

Thank you, Lord, for not giving up on a stubborn, self-centered, ego maniac who constantly puts idols before you, who worships self instead of you the Creator. Your grace is undeserved, God.  Help me to always be in awe of your mercy.